Self Hugs

I woke up this morning to cold rain outside and an absolutely empty desire to get out of my amazing bed. (My mother checked in on me this morning to make sure I slept ok, to which I answered, of course I did, my bed is freaking amazing. Seriously, if you are facing a big life change, step one, invest in a kickass mattress and good sheets... it will save your life.) But I did get out of bed, only because of the children, completely committed to the fact that I could get right back into bed after I got them on the bus. However, I had registered for a 9:30 am Vinyasa class last night before going to bed which was my strong side predicting my weak side would want to crawl into bed and wallow. I got my ass out of bed, I made the kids eat and dress and brush their teeth. I got them on the bus. I talked to my mom. I went to yoga. It was raining. It was very important to go. If you are not doing yoga on a regular basis, you need to be. Right this moment. Seriously, even if you are at work, get off your butt right now put your hands on your desk, push your body weight into your hands and release all over your negative energy down your back and out into the space behind you. Pull all the ick of this Monday out and away from you. That is the beauty of yoga and flexibility.  It does not matter if you can't touch your toes, or if you don't own a single item of clothing with "stretch" in it's title. Flexibility is the foundation of health and you probably don't even know it. Exercises that increase our basic flexibility not only increase the blood supply to muscle tissues but also to your entire body, which allows essential nutrients to be delivered through your blood stream. This means that by increasing our flexibility we can strengthen our basic body function, by more efficiently absorbing nutrients. Which gives us energy, aids in weight management and helps battle depression.  Yoga adds all the benefits of flexibility and quiets your mind at the same time. It can teach us to breathe, which believe it or not most of us forget to do through out the day. Seriously, how often do you forget to breathe in a day? I bet it is more than you realize. That is one thing I will never fully understand about us humans, how are there not more of us fainting regularly though out the day. Seriously, with how stressed out we all are and the breathe holding we do, you think we would be falling out around each other like flies. I know at this juncture of my life the most important thing for me to do is to breathe. And Love. Love. Love. Today I just want to remember to breathe, yoga and love. I am currently using Melody Beattie's  companion meditation workbook and journal to her book "The Language of Letting Go".  It is a daily reflection journal where you read her encouraging passage for the day and then record your feelings. I had not heard of Melody Beattie before bringing my yoga practice back into the studio this month. BeachBee Studio closes their practices with the reading of passages from "Journey to the Heart: Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing your Soul". This was the meditation for today: Nov 17th:

"Sometimes it is hard to trust life with all its sudden twists, turns and storms.

When something unexpected or painful happens, when we become blocked 

or frustrated, when life takes a different course then we hoped it would, it's easy 

to stop trusting the flow of our lives. I didn't ask for this. It's not fair. 

I don't want this, we think.

Keep loving yourself, and taking care of yourself, no matter what- through the storms,

the twists, the turns and the blocks. Take a moment to breathe deep, restore yourself to 

that scared place of self-love and self-responsibility. Feel all your feelings. Then let them go.

Love yourself until you can hear your heart and what it tells you to do."

I know that moving my physical body is the key to healing my emotional core. If I stay in bed all day I will rot. My mind will rot, my heart will rot and my teeth will rot, because I have to get into the bathroom to brush them. Yoga is the crutch I can lean on to love myself. As long as I can love myself I know it will be ok. Namaste pretty much translates to: "My inner awesome gives an epic high five to the inner awesome in you" and who doesn't need a little bit more of that in their life? I know I do.

P.S.
Mom, do some yoga today.

"L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.
You've got more than money and sense, my friend
You've got heart and you go in your own way
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.
What you don't have now will come back again
You've got heart and you go in your own way"

- L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N, NOAH AND THE WHALE

Divorce and Cancer and The Cranberries

Do you remember "No Need to Argue" an epic musical masterpiece by The Cranberries? I do. Boy do I.  It was 1994, I was 13 and I vividly remember listening to "Zombie" over and over and over again. At 13 you are beginning to explore the concept of betrayal, lust, love, honor and trust. This was the year I also locked myself in the upstairs bathroom and refused to come out... with my dad eventually taking the door off the hinges. Reality Bites would be released in 1994, Empire Records the year later. I wanted to shave my head. I wore my great-grandfather 's pants until their mysterious disappearance in 1995. Eventually I would help shave my best friend's head, which amazingly took me and two boys to complete. It actually sounds like a bad joke: "How many teenagers does it take to shave a head? Three. One to mistakenly buzz off a 2 X 2  inch square and two others to convince everyone that full buzzcut was exactly what they were going for in the first place". I wore an impressive amount of overalls. I remember my first real heart break. I played "I Can't Be With You" on repeat and cried my little heart out laying on my... wait for it... waterbed (it was the '90s).  I think back to these years and this album and I have realized those tortuous teenage years have paved the way for this time of my very adult life. I can't lock myself in a a bathroom for hours... I can hardly pee in the bathroom without someone trying to get in. But I can sit here and listen to this album and realize that I have felt all these feelings before. I have lived through it. Of course divorce and cancer is on a much larger scale then Boyfriend #2 of my whole life dumping me in a note found in my locker... but at the time... it was all consuming. Nothing feels as real and true and damning like that first real teenage heartbreak.  To return to where you come from is a very beautiful thing, to look back at the raw teenage emotion and go, well, I am thirty-three now, but I still love that much. I love these people so much that I am completely consumed with the fear of losing them. And though I know one is worth letting go of and one is worth fighting tooth and nail for, it's all relative. This weekend is the "official move out" weekend. On Friday I drank too much and cried and told complete strangers how much I hurt. It was absolutely terrible. But I know it was bound to happen. Because deep down I am still the artsy girl who wears her great grandpa's pants and can be a complete emotional wreck. I am still the girl who starts to cry when she hears a song on the radio. The question is, how do I honor the 13 year old who walked these earth shattered steps before me, but translate and teacher to her to be harder, tougher, stronger. I know I need to become stronger. I need to harden myself to certain things I can not change. Because there are an impressive amount of things that I can not change. And I know, with all the new knowledge I have sitting here now, that if  I am completely honest with myself that I don't want to change anything when it comes to my situation. Talking to a very good friend today I asked her to consider if nothing in her current situation was to change in 5 years, could she live in the environment and be happy? I have asked myself that recently. Could I live for the next five years in my current emotional and physical environment and be fulfilled? I told her that I don't want to enter the next decade of my life being this unhappy. Looking at what has happened with my mom, I have realized that we do not even know what tomorrow will bring. So maybe even if you had to live tomorrow still in a crappy emotional and physical environment, would you stay? I am committed to hard work, but you can only work on changing things for the better if everyone living in the environment is willing to pick up their shovels and do it. I can only work alone on myself. I am accepting that I am angry, that I am sad. I am accepting that listening to The Best of The Cranberries (with heavy emphasis on "Linger") on repeat does not make me weird. I am accepting that everything will get better. I am accepting that I survived being 13 and I am accepting that I will survive this.

"I have decided to leave you forever.
I have decided to start things from here.
Thunder and lightning won't change,
What I'm feeling and the daffodils look lovely today,
And the daffodils look lovely today,Look lovely today."

- Daffodil Lament , The Cranberries

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2QuwMhsfS8

Cancer And Karma

Why has been the dominate word in my vocabulary for the last 6 months. When what we perceive as tragedy strikes we automatically search for answers to the question of why. Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this? What could I have done differently? Am I being punished for something I did in the past? Why? It becomes torturous. Too often we beat ourselves down using why as our hammer.

I know exactly why my mother has Myelodysplastic Syndrom or MDS. It was directly caused by the treatment she received for her breast cancer. Her past chemotherapy damaged her DNA and she now needs a stem cell transplant. It's science. She did nothing wrong. This is not punishment. It's chemical just as her breast cancer was hormonal. This is not a cosmic karmatic question. 

Often I hear people say "Karma's a bitch." I want to shake these people. Karma has no personality traits. Karma is a reflection of our social environmental reaction in times of stress. Karma is a mirror, not an antagonist. My mom did not get cancer because of bad Karma and if she had not found a viable donor that too would not have been related to bad Karma. Karma shows itself in the love projected onto you when you are in trouble. I can't direct the outcome of this treatment. It may succeed. It may not. Karma is not the reflection of that outcome. Karma only shows itself in the manifestation of the hope generated by those who love you and merely by the fact that you are loved. That you will be missed. That people find you valuable and that you earned this value.

My mother is not perfect. But she is good and giving and she is loved. She is worth our love. She has value to those around her. Her Karma is measured by that.  Her Karma is reflected by everyone who has offered their time to care for her. Measured in the well wishes, the cards, the prayers. I am a reflection of my mother. I am her Karma. 

One thing I have heard over and over again lately is that I have given too much of myself to others. I spread myself too thin, which in turn left too little for some else. This reasoning quickly pushes me to think, did I do this? Is my current situation a reflection of poor choices I have made? What is my Karma? How does this effect my Karma? It is interesting to think that some people think you need automatic response to giving yourself selflessly. What will I get in return? How quickly will the favor be returned? I look at social participation as an investment. I have never looked to be repaid. I have always believed that the more positive energy one put into the universe would merely inject positivity into your own personal being. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Yet, suddenly, I will admit to questioning Karma. What did I do? Why? And then it hit me. Why would I ever let the actions and choices of someone else, become the design of my mirror? My Karma is not a reflection of the action of others. My Karma is not defined by what is done to me.  Yes, I have been wronged. I have been lied to. But my Karma is not a reflection of this, my Karma is found in the overwhelming response of support I have been offered. The doors that have been left open for me should I need a haven. The notes. The phone calls. This is my Karma. This is what I will teach my children. We do not give of ourselves because we have expectations. We give of ourselves without ever expecting anything in return. Because when we need them, our Karma will be reflected in all the hands that reach out to help us. 

“If you send out goodness from yourself, or if you share that which is happy or good within you, it will all come back to you multiplied ten thousand times. In the kingdom of love there is no competition; there is no possessiveness or control. The more love you give away, the more love you will have.” 
― John O'Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

Divorce and Cancer and Social Media

Months ago I began erasing my husband from my social media presence. I took pictures down from Facebook. I changed status'. I erased any ties to a life connected with him. Then, a couple days ago I defriended my husband. And then I messaged his sisters and defriended them. And then I wrote a blog post about how much divorce and cancer suck. And then I received a whole lot of posts and private messages. And then I cried. And then I went to yoga and every song played reminded me of my marriage... every single one. And then I fell on my face in half moon pose. And then while sitting in bed I got this:

And then I smiled. And then for the first time, and this is truly lame that is was honestly the first time, I was completely sure I could do this. I have been devising a survival plan, involving Yoga, Journaling, Therapy, Wine and Ethan Hawk movies.... but a plan is just a plan unless you commit to it. I have not felt completely invested in it. I know I have been waiting for minds to change or to wake up, maybe to find this has been a dream, mom is healthy and my reality was still intact. But I know that this is my reality. And for the first time I can honestly write that without adding "Sadly". It's hard, but there is nothing "sad" about it. It can't be hopeless or sad if you send out into the universe your mess and receive in return love. I have felt like a house with no foundation, and then all of a sudden to to feel all these hands reach out to steady you and hold you upright all at once. Very often with Social Media we paint our lives in a manner to stand up to social norms. We often "Vague"book in order to receive support with out fully committing to to drama we all experience. I think that there is a beauty in being able to relate personal pain and joy with in minutes to such a large audience. We all want to be taken care of. We all want to feel supported. I defriended my husband because I knew, for now, I needed to carve out a small space that was just my own. Though I will be living separate from him, he will always be welcome in my home due to the children. Social media provides the space I need where I can go. And though I know we have some mutual friends I do feel like I have made a small space that can be just mine. My own social media wailing wall, somewhere to grieve. The five stages of loss are : Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining , Depression and Acceptance. I am standing at a crossroads looking at Depression and Acceptance. I have traveled roads 1 through 3 and am refusing to be forced down road 4. I truly believe there is fork at roads 4 and 5 and it is completely possible to skip one all together if you so choose. And I choose to skip road 4 and instead journey on to acceptance. There is no shame in depression. But I don't have time to mess around. I have a whole life ahead of me, two kids to love and a Mom to do yoga with. But you can't do it alone can you? I am probably the luckiest person on the planet. Sharing something, anything, the pain, the joy, it's all beautiful. The ability of humans to understand and reflect the emotions of others is a great miracle. I would like to believe in miracles more than anything else today.

" If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt."

-Before Sunrise

Divorce and Cancer

If I stop and think about the current state of my life my chest begins to tighten and panic sets in. All the things in this world we as modern humans grasp onto in times of stress are paper thin in my life. My husband asked me for a divorce in September and my mother has cancer. I need to own that.
I need to say it again:
My husband is divorcing me and my mother has no shit cancer.
And again:
My husband does not love me anymore and my mother has fucking blood cancer.

Fuck Shit Damn.

Do I feel better? No. Will I feel better. Yes.
Do I hate my husband? No. Can I stop loving him? Yes.
Can I lean on my mom? No. Can I lean on others to be strong for her? Yes.

Can I dance? Yes.
Am I worth loving? Yes.
Is it ok to feel like punching the wall? Yes.
Is it ok to punch the wall? No.

There have been two constants in my life for the last eleven years. My mom and my husband. They have defined who I am. You can say your parents don't influence your choices as an adult and you would be a liar. You can say your marriage doesn't change you and you would be a liar. The two things that have held the most influence in my life are disappearing or in danger.

Who am I if not my husband's wife? Who am I if not my mother's daughter?

I am my children's mother.

I am my sister's sister.

I am a friend.

I am Loreli, whether Vickers or DeLeon, I am Loreli.

I am kind and compassionate. I am strong willed and stubborn.

I am not perfect.

I am beautiful.

I am angry. I am sad. I am scared.

I am hopeful.

I do not hate my husband. He is human. I am human. My mom is human. Being human means making mistakes. Being human means being vulnerable.  Being human means there are glorious moments and Fuck.Shit.Damn moments.  Life is uncontrollable and I need to let go of my need to control it. Accept the fact there there are a million things out of my control and absolutely only one thing in my control, my reaction to it all.

So I chose compassion within reason. I will not put his comfort above mine, but I will make sure I act in way that builds a healthy partnership. I will begin to trust him, if only as a partner and co parent of our children. I will let him help me so that I can take care of my mom.  I will  do everything in my power to release the negative so that I only bring positive energy into my mother's battle.  I will commit to leaning on my friends so that I can gain my emotional independence from him.

In no way do I believe any of this will be easy. but I have decided to commit to releasing myself to the glorious mess which is the universe.

Tears and smiles and all, I will be the Loreli I want to be.

I am the Loreli I want to be.

I will let go to be present.

"Today I will go on living my life and tending to my routine. I will decide, as often as I need to, to stop obsessing about whatever is bothering me. If I don't feel like letting go of a particular thing, I will "act as if" I have let go of it until my feelings match my behavior." 

-Melody Beattie

The Language of Letting Go

OMG, We just went to Longhorn Steakhouse!

So yesterday was an experiment in Flexitarianism both inside and outside the house. We battled meetings, children/ family, home construction and hunger. Here is a break down of everything we ate:

MEAL ONE:

Egg Cups 

(Logan calls these Origami Eggs)

We were out of toast, but we were flexible, so we made these:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees, rub a cupcake tin down with organic butter and line with nitrate free turkey bacon, crack an egg into each cup and bake until whites are firm and cooked though - Top with  basil, fresh pepper and sea salt

I cooked mine until the yokes were completely cooked through, similar to hard boiled, as we currently  have to be careful of bacteria 

Still Wonderful!

(Coffee with Organic 1% Milk and Stevia)

MEAL 2

Green Juice with Coconut water

MEAL 3

Big Salad with Chickpeas, Pistachios  and AVC Dressing

MEAL 4

(this is where things get crazy)

No Sugar Frozen Yogurt 

(no toppings for mom/ topped with berries for me)

MEAL 5

(OMG We are Longhorn Steakhouse)

Mom's Choice

Salmon (cooked well done) Green Beans and Salad with oil and vinegar (the vinegar selection was Balsamic - which we are avoiding due to high sugar, but we had it last night)

My Choice:

Flank Steak (Cooked medium well), Broccoli and Salad with oil and vinegar

I don't want to develop a ridged plan, I want there to be room to wiggle but still make good choices. We were too hungry (and that is a principle of this, learning to listen to your body and understand when it needs fuel) to wait to eat until we were home and for me make polenta (which was the original plan) and Mom knew that Longhorn Steakhouse had a good choice for her, so off we went! #winning

And so far today she and I have had Toast with Avocado and Tomato/ Tomato Basil Salsa:

MEAL 1

Toast With Avocado and Homemade Tomato Basil Salsa 

and coffee

Roma Tomato Basil Salsa 

("I Quit Sugar" By Sarah Wilson Recipe)

Mix 1 pound chopped roma tomatos, 1 tbs minced garlic,1/2 cup chopped basil. 1/2 olive oil, 

1/4 cup ACV, 1 tsb fresh ground pepper and 1 tsp Salt

We could not find Ezekiel Bread at the store yesterday so we used whole grain bread

(http://www.foodforlife.com/about_us/ezekiel-49)

MEAL 2

(this would usually be green juice but due to construction had to be flexible)

One Origami Egg

MEAL 3

Green Juice mixed with Coconut Water

MEAL 4 

Same Salad as yesterday

MEAL 5

Polenta Patties with Sautéed greens and Roma Tomato Basil Salsa

(From "I Quit Sugar" Sarah Wilson)

Be a Flexitarian – try to be flexible when it comes to eating.
Eat healthy, but enjoy the occasional indulgence and meals in the
company of friends without scrutinizing ingredients or feeling guilty.

- Darina Stoyanova

Let's All Quit Sugar! (Sort of) and Let's all be Flexitarians

I saw Kris Carr's (http://kriscarr.com) documentary "Crazy Sexy Cancer" before my mom got cancer the first time.  And though this was years before I would, as an adult, buy her books and start to really think about the path I wanted my lifestyle habits to follow, it struck a cord with me. Here was this really cool person (I was a teenager, so cool was important) that had this terrible disease but was doing all these super neat alternative things about it. Drinking wheatgrass?! Totally gross! But totally cool.... so cool was this woman. I instantly loved her. And I know she wanted me to love her. She was banking on the fact that I, an american teenage girl, would be seduced by her ballsy attitude and raucous vernacular. But even now, as a responsible adult who hardly ever uses raucous vernacular, I am confident she is more concerned with saving my life (or at the very least insuring that I have a fulfilled one) then selling me a program. And so even now as I try desperately to bridge the worlds of the like of Kris Carr and Sarah Wilson (http://www.sarahwilson.com) I know I will keep the basis of me, the raw foodie at heart. I can't turn back on that. I know my inner being feels at peace when my diet is light to heavy through out the day and when I limit dairy and heavy animal proteins. I know that, especially now as my mother battles cancer for the second time (caused by the treatment that saved her life the first time) (dramatic twist!!) , she and I have more than just wanting to be less bloated or thin, we need to save our lives. Heavy stuff. We were talking in the kitchen yesterday (we are spending a lot of time there now, as I am usually found chopping or shoving things in a blender more on that later) about how this eating plan has not been hard for her to stick with. She does not crave the sugar and she feels really good. I must inject here, because many of you do not know my mother personally, she and my father both work intense, life engulfing jobs, that pay really well, but take over your whole existence. So needless to say, they both have been living off of packaged foods and take out for a long, long time. As you can guess, no Starbucks lattés and no Sonic is a big big deal. But this is real life and yesterday (with all the construction going on in her house and two roommates under the age of 11) we ended up at Yogurt Mountain and Longhorn Steakhouse (in that order).  About three ounces of sugar free yogurt, salmon with green beans and salad later, we counted the night a success. Essentially my mother and I are solidifying our commitment to a Flexitarian (http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/expert-blog/flexitarian/bgp-20056276)  diet. In a broad sense begin a Flexitarian means that the largest part of your daily nutritional intake comes from a vegan or vegetarian philosophy and but you would not turn your nose at the flank steak dinner your girlfriend painstakingly prepared for you to celebrate your two and half month anniversary. You live in a world of give and take (with the compass always pointing more often to veggie island). Meat and dairy choices are organic and sustainable whenever available. In a more strict sense Flexitarian diets are vegan/vegetarian until dinner. Yet, again, I know I need more flex in my Flexitarianism. I may have a vegan day, followed by a ovo lacto day that was capped by a t-rex kind of dinner. Who knows, I am a bit of a wild card. But as my mother stated in her kitchen yesterday, "It really does make sense, and really is the way everyone should be eating!" We are experiencing a collective AH HA moment. And yes, it did take cancer to get everyone on the same page. But that's ok. Because right now, despite the chemo and the doctors appointments, I get to share green juice with my mom and give her praise every day she marks off her calendar that she stuck to her commitment to controlling our sugar intake. Not only that, but our two roommates under 11 (who are still allowed cookies, more on that later) are watching us. And just as I adored the coolness of Kris Carr and still feel that admiration and inspiration even now, I hope they look back at this time and don't remember that Mema was sick, I hope instead that they remember us drinking green juice and laughing.

There is little success where there is little laughter.

-Andrew Carnegie

Let's All Quit Sugar ! (sort of) a day or so in Pictures

So we are more than half way through Day 2 of my "Let's All Quit Sugar! (sort of)" journey. And maybe for me, because I have done 21 day Cleanses before, it's not too bad. The ability to have animal protein like eggs, definitely help and make this feel more lifestyle-esq than my cleanses ever have. My mom seems to be doing well with it, which is the major victory and makes this feel slightly like a Thelma and Louis style road trip we are having in her kitchen. She and I can't control much that is going on in her life right now, but we can control what we put in her body and that's saying something. Today was a little crazy due to her having an early morning doctor appointment but we were still able to get avocado toast in her before she had to head into the clinic. Today there has been 1 green juice (mixed with coconut water), leftover salad from yesterday with some pistachios and ACV dressing, 1 cheese stick for her (and one more glass of coconut water, trying to give those platelets a boost!), an egg scrambled for me and yes some coffee with 1% Organic Cow's Milk. I will be making some quinoa stuffed spring rolls tonight for dinner and we will probably have some berries and herbal tea before bed. All together we have not had any sugar outside of the fruit infused coconut water, the apples, the toast and the milk. But all in all feeling good and don't want a cookie! #winning

I have been having simple toast with 2 TBS mashed avocado and some sliced tomato and red onion, BUT this would be a great option if you are looking for more HEFT! Sprouted Toast topped with:

Mashed avocado, Spinach, Nitrate Free Turkey Bacon and a Beautiful Fried Egg

GREEN JUICE: 1 green apple, 3 celery stalks, 1 lemon, 5 large kale leaves,1 cucumber, 1 handfuls of spinach, 1 handful of cilantro (optional) 1 handful of parsley (optional)

Serves Two about 8 grams of Sugar per Serving

Salad: any combo of dark leafy greens and vegetables of your choice (I used baby kale, spinach, carrot, tomato, sliced cucumber, green onion, yellow pepper and red onion) and a tablespoon of nuts (I used pecans) and 1 TBS homemade ACV DRESSING : 1 tbs olive oil, 2 tbs apple cider vinegar, juice from one lemon (or Lime) dash of sea salt and fresh pepper

Quinoa Bowl which included : 2 cups cooked Quinoa (sub Millet for Quinoa), one can rinsed black beans, shredded carrots, 2 cloves minced garlic, chopped tomatoes, chopped pepper, green and red onion, baby kale and spinach. And to give a little more crunch, I tossed in a couple of pecans again! I added 1 tsp of low sodium soy sauce and the juice of one lime to ACV dressing and mixed about 3 tbs of sauce to mix. Each serving of quinoa mix was topped with three chopped chicken tenders I cooked in olive oil in a sauté pan. 

Fruit Infused Coconut Water: Add any sliced fruit (We are sticking to low to medium fructose fruits) to organic unflavored coconut water and let stick in a closed jar or container over night. This is not a staple by any means in the "Let's All Quit Sugar! (sort of)" Plan, But as my mom has MDS- we are including it in our dietary intake. It does have 9 grams of sugar per 8 oz. 

(http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/treatment/myelodysplastic/Patient/page1)

Cancer is messy and scary. You throw everything at it, but don't forget to throw love at it. It turns out that might be the best weapon of all.

-Regina Brett

I Quit Sugar (Sort of) Plan and My Day One

Week ONE:

We are choosing our own path here, so you are going to see multiple options:

Upon waking you are going to have one of the following:

• Hot Water with Lemon
• Coffee with/without Milk of Choice and/or Stevia
• Herbal Tea with/without Milk of Choice and/or Stevia 

Meal 1: Toast With Avocado, Tomato, Red Onion and Sea Salt

Meal 2: GREEN JUICE: 1 green apple, 3 celery stalks, 1 lemon, 5 large kale leaves,1 cucumber, 1 handfuls of spinach, 1 handful of cilantro (optional) 1 handful of parsley (optional)

OR if not juicing, blend above ingredients for a (just squeeze the juice out of the lemon) smoothie OR no smoothies? Have homemade salsa an veggie sticks and/or crackers (The I Quit Sugar Lady has a great recipe for homemade super crackers)

Meal 3: Salad: any combo of dark leafy greens and vegetables of your choice (I used baby kale, spinach, carrot, tomato, sliced cucumber, green onion, yellow pepper and red onion) and a tablespoon of nuts (I used pecans) and 1 TBS homemade ACV DRESSING : 1 tbs olive oil, 2 tbs apple cider vinegar, juice from one lemon (or Lime) dash of sea salt and fresh pepper

Meal 4: More Green Juice or a small piece of fruit (preferably low fructose) and a protein source (almond butter)

Meal 5: Needs to include protein source (Animal or Soy your choice), Grain and Vegetable: I have a quinoa bowl which included : 2 cups cooked Quinoa (sub Millet for Quinoa), one can rinsed black beans, shredded carrots, 2 cloves minced garlic, chopped tomatoes, chopped pepper, green onion, baby kale and spinach. I added 1 tsp of low sodium soy sauce and the juice of one lime to ACV dressing and mixed about 3 tbs of sauce to mix. Each serving of quinoa mix was topped with three chopped chicken tenders I cooked in olive oil in a sauté pan. 

Meal 6: Could be berries, I had one piece of toast with a little butter and melted cheese

For week one you keep the basic outline the same. Making simple changes within the outline to keep it interesting. You could have toast with spinach and egg for meal one. You could eat Avocado toast every morning. Its up to you.  Change up the veggies in Meal 3 or try different nuts. Play with herbs in the AVC Dressing. It's up to you. Here are a list of books that I am getting meals from, I suggest you check them out:

• "It's All Good"
• "Reboot with Joe"
• "Crazy Sexy Diet"
• "I Quit Sugar"
• "Beauty Detox Foods"
• Natural Health Magazine
• Yoga Journal

and some websites:

• http://iquitsugar.com
• http://www.rebootwithjoe.com
• http://kriscarr.com/blog/crazy-sexy-diet/
• http://kimberlysnyder.net
• http://nomnompaleo.com

Week Two we will add more animal protein in, unless you dig a Wilber Free diet, then its up to you!

If you are weight training during week one, I suggest you add more calorie dense foods as needed. Think eggs or Protein Powder Smoothies! 

Transformation is a process, and as life happens there are tons of ups and downs. It's a journey of discovery - there are moments on mountaintops and moments in deep valleys of despair.

-Rick Warren

Let's All Quit Sugar The Rules

The Rules are as follow:

No store bought treats, but you can make your own! 

Stevia is great!

When in doubt, have a glass of juice or eat an egg.

Avocados are a do

Coffee is ok! But limit to one a day

Dairy is a do, but 1% or higher...  the % goes up an so does the protein. 

Organic Organic Organic

Butter is cool, so is Earth Balance spread

If you eat Mayo... and believe me I won't be, NO LOW FAT-- it has a ton of sugar

Follow Your Heart Vegenaise is a go! No sugar

Green Apples are a go! This is how we will be sweetening our green juices!

Our Salad dressing base is:

1 tbs olive oil

2 tbs Apple Cider Vinegar 

Juice of one Lemon

pinch of sea salt

dash of fresh pepper

Your go to grains are Quinoa and Millet!

Sprouted breads are best, but whole grain are a go

Almond milk is a go, look for unsweetened 

Creativity is a go! 

Let's All Quit Sugar! (Sort of)

As some of you know, I have been a real fan of raw diets and juicing for almost four years now.  My gurus have been Kris Carr, Kimberly Synder and Joe Cross. However, these diets ( and all of the beautiful colorful juices peppered through my instagram feed) are pretty super high in fructose. And suddenly with all these peeps eating Paleo and "Quitting Sugar" it left me wondering if I could find a middle of the road. One of the biggest catalysts for this journey is pretty personal. My mom is sick... again. Ten years ago my mom kicked breast cancer to the curb with some pretty serious chemo. Come to find out this chemo from her past is pretty much causing her blood to act pretty funky today. And though, some argue it, many claim that cancer loves to live off of sugar, so my theory is to starve that jerk. But to be fair I should write that many dietitians do state that getting rid of fruit from our diets does more harm than good, especially when it comes to the cancer patient. For example:

"As Julie Baker, Clinical Oncology Dietitian at our hospital outside Atlanta, explains it: “Our bodies use glucose, the simplest unit of carbohydrate, as their primary fuel. Without adequate carbohydrate intake, our bodies will obtain glucose, or fuel, from another source. Possibilities include the breakdown of proteins we eat or proteins stored in our body, which may ultimately lead to muscle loss and malnutrition.”  

All in all though, as a collective, we ingest way too much sugar.  The American Heart Association recommends 6 teaspoons of sugar (100 calories) per day for women and  9 teaspoons (or 150 calories) per day for men. Most of us... if not almost ALL of us blow that daily intake out of the water, easily digesting two or three times that amount.  It is with that in mind that I launch this journey. Taking cues from many wellness sources I am going to devise a plan that marries the principles of both raw and paleo-esq diets into something that I hope some of us wanting to maintain that low to no sugar lifestyle can adhere to. One thing we have have to be cautious of if you are eating pre made foods (like sauces and dressings) this is where the hidden sugar lies in wait. This plan revolves around food that we make ourselves. By leaving out most pre made sauces and dressings we can almost eliminate excess sugar from our diet. 

And cutting out the sugar we attempt to fight off all the bad things we are finding come with over-consumption. We are talking about modern diseases. What makes it a modern disease? What does that even mean!? It means, we are tackling problems now that are ancestors did not have to worry about. Diseases like heart disease, type-2 diabetes and cancer. EPIC.AMOUNTS.OFCANCER. And of course, obesity.  

As a hybrid plan we will not be counting green apples, lemons, limes, blueberries and raspberries  against us. We will be allowing coffee, dairy and animal products. As a general rule of thumb when it comes to fruit will be as follows: The best fruits to choose from are Kiwi, Blueberries, Raspberries, Grapefruit and Honeydew Melon. The High-Fructose fruits and ones we should avoid are: 

Grapes, Red Apples, Pears, Mangos, Cherries and Bananas. (But even on my plan we will allow these... just not as much) The Plan will be based as a high vegetable intake diet. Basically, I tend to lean on fruits more then veggies... and I am going to up the veggies. 

I am excited and scared out of my mind by this journey. But deep in my heart I know it is time to clean out the excess sugar from my life. I am knee deep in family cancer, my own battles with hormone based disease (PCOS) and I know that there is no other choice than to find a maintainable limited sugar lifestyle. Balance is key and from all the low sugar plans I have studied, none of them seems to fit just right. So I am going to attempt to make one, juicer and all. 

Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination.
- Drake

Yoga With Cheri

When I first met her, she may or may not have been having an anxiety attack. She had just purchased personal training and I was being introduced to her as the trainer that would change her life (insert halo and singing angles here). She eyed me suspiciously. I smiled back annoyingly. I like to think we instantaneously became best friends.

Cheri had a very interesting and complex health history, which understandably gave her much anxiety when it came to exercise. To be honest, our first meeting was right after her heart rate spiked while walking on the treadmill, scaring the bejeezus out of her and catapulting her into a personal training contract. She had had the "AH HA" moment. The moment when one seemingly small happenstance causes you to know it's time for a change. I have never in my life met a more inspiring and determined fighter. Within days of training, Cheri changed. Gone was the fear and here was the can do anything attitude I have been inspired by every hour  long, Bon Jovi fueled session we have spent together (and there have been a lot of them). As a personal trainer, I would love to say that every client that passes through your studio doors is special to you. That leaves a mark. But I would be lying. Just like we all have favorite children (joking!), we have favorite clients (totally true.). These clients challenge us and allow us to challenge them. They listen to us. They grow from us. And we become better trainers for having had them in our studio.  And when you tell them, go give a yoga class a try they go.... and they leave 15 minutes into it. These are the special ones because the special ones, try again. And that's how you know it has clicked. That they get it. When months later, you say we are trying yoga class again and they don't even blink an eye. They are all in.

Humans are really good at giving up. It's a major bummer. Throwing in the towel. Being afraid to put in the work or only giving enough to barely get a job done. If I could stress one thing, it would be to never give up on your health and especially not to give up on yourself. You are worth a second, third, even a fourth chance. You deserve to live your life without fear. You deserve to be like Cheri. You deserve to run. You deserve to fight. You deserve joy. You deserve to be proud of yourself. You deserve to be strong. You deserve.

There is no overnight magical change. Big change is an accumulation of many tiny changes. Cheri walked before she ran. She planked before she burpeed. Like pennies in a jar, each workout combined with the next one to increase the total value of every workout we completed over time. So, no, she did not conquer her first yoga class, but she went, she tried. And she went again. And that second class, she spent the whole hour and fifteen minutes in active practice. And I spent an hour and fifteen minutes ... well not paying too much attention to Cheri because it was a really crazy yoga class and I was trying not to fall on my face. However, when I was not focusing on my Warrior II, I did sneak a peak and mentally fist pumped the truly inspiring lady warrior-ing one mat down.

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure , the process is its own reward.

-Amelia Earhart

Welcome Back Blogger

So I got BIZAY. And completely ceased blogging. Which is sad really.... and not only for all my adoring fans who read this religiously, but because blogging kept me accountable and possibly sane. What's in a blog? Well, for me, mostly, it's getting to hopefully communicate with a diverse group of people on topics I find important and interesting. I really believe I have a lot of good things to put out into the universe and blogging has been a way for me to feel like I am doing that. Even if no one is reading them... but myself... and my mom (because she has too... because she's my mom).
I have been working in fitness for a hot minute now and have found that:

1. I am a pretty talented motivational speaker... when I remember to stop being Italian and speak slowly and without the use of my hands.

2. I really really like talking about health and wellness (mostly with my hands).

and

3. I really really like making positive connections with other humans (but pretty much exclusively oratory ... not so much with my hands).

And so I am grateful that there is this magical place called the Internet where I can do this efficiently. Doing something everyday that makes you feel purposeful in life is " totes essential" and I highly recommend everyone doing so.... every day.  It is with that driving force that I reenter my blog and I would like to encourage you to find something that makes you feel purposeful as well. And there we go... just like that... a mantra for May!

True happiness... is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

Helen Keller