31 and the Never Evers

I have officially been a member of this planet for 31 years. And over the course of these years I am pretty sure I have used the term "never ever" quite a lot. I know I said I would never ever marry a military man. I remember distinctly when I was told I would probably never ever have kids with out fertility drugs. As a teen I swore to myself I would never ever be like my parents. And quite a few people have promised they would never ever let me down.

But I did marry a military man.
My husband and I got a baby as a honeymoon present.
I found out being exactly like my parents is really the only way I want to be.
And
I have come to terms with the fact that people let you down.
I have begun to own up to the fact that I've let people down.

However, I am very lucky to have had the never evers I have had in my life.
They do nothing but teach you who you really are.

When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I wanted to leave school to be with her. I would never ever stay so far away with her being so sick. But then I was faced with her own "never ever allowing me to leave college", not even for cancer. Her never ever trumped mine. And I stayed in school. This alternately meant that I had to learn to lean on my friends, to believe in my mom, to depend on my Dad more than ever before and try to learn to let go of things I could not control.

As a one time vegetarian the "I will never ever eat meat" became a gift I gave up to my husband when he asked me to eat chicken for our baby and for his own piece of mind as he was deployed during our first pregnancy. It sealed the deal on us being a team first and foremost in our young marriage, something we have stayed true to through the last eight years.
  
I have said I would never ever do a pull up, buy a house before forty, drink a Naked Green Machine Smoothie.
I have thought I would never ever survive child birth with out drugs or living in Germany.

But I can do pull ups, I bought a house and  I love a tall glass of green machine with an extra squeeze of lemon.
I conquered a natural child birth (with my mom there to slap the crazy out of me) and living three years in a foreign country did the exact opposite of kill me.

And though not every "never ever" I have proven wrong has been a winner (I will never ever yell at my kids was recently turned into I will never ever again throw a Rumpelstiltskin-esq tantrum in my kitchen over my four year old refusing to swallow antibiotics- #notwinning) I stand by the advice to only cautiously bet on a never ever.

Especially when the never ever goes like this:
I will never ever forgive...
never ever love....
never ever say.....
never ever try......
Those are just begging to be broken.

Because, well, it feels better to forgive.
And all we need is love.
And say what you mean to say.
And how will you know if you don't try.

If you made a list of all the things you would never ever do- AND- made a list of all the things you would do if you found out you only had one month to live, I wonder how many things on both lists would overlap. 
And though getting a tattoo would overlap on my two lists I am probably not going to run out and get one tomorrow (notice the non definitive) it's important to understand the things you are truly scared of and the things you really just haven't gotten to yet.
(Pretty much sold on the too scared to skydive though.)

Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.

-Virgil Thomson

It's a Goal

Someone I am currently training asked me a question recently. The question was this, "After I get past this, what should my next goal be?"
And I gave her the truth. I can't answer that for you.

When it comes to personal training, a goal is a specific objective to be achieved at a specific point in time. Goals should not be end all be alls. They should be looked at as stepping stones. Rungs in the ladder, by grasping one, you are able to pull up to another. Though I want you to be and feel the best you can, I will never force another goal onto you. I will not project my hopes for you onto you. If I did, you would never get anywhere.  A goal must have sincere emotion tied to it, it is what pushes us towards achievement. Therefore a goal coming from any other source than one's self is doomed to fail. You have to want it, to get it.

Here are some ways to accomplish successful goal setting:

1. A goal must be well defined. No beating around the bush because if you can't lay it out, you will never have a map to success.
2. You must write it down. Life has a way of over whelming the unprepared. Writing down what we hope to attain and scheduling our time to support our goals is the only way to accomplish them. 
3. A goal must be stated in the positive. Out with the "I won't" and in with the "I will". Instead of "I won't eat fast food.." try "I will prepare healthy meals at home." I hope you can see how the latter example provides a concrete affirmation, and the first one sounds weak. 
4. You have to have a deadline. Any thing left open ended is destined to fall through.
5. A goal must challenge us, but not overwhelm us. If you make a goal too easy it becomes easy to push aside. But when you give it just enough weight, it is harder to shake off.
6. Remember to make it personal. 

And though it is not an official rule, I like to add this on when speaking on goal making:

You should not incorporate real sincere goals with insincere goal making holidays. There is a reason New Year's resolutions fail. For one, as we have already reviewed, a whole YEAR is already too long of a time line for goal getting. And not to mention that the whole new year stigmata already makes the goal less intimidating, as everyone you know is probably failing at their resolution as we speak.

Lent and other times for religious sacrifice are yet another time I believe it is best to leave goal making out of the equation. And this is why: When we give up things for religious purposes that we also wish to hold on to as a personal goal we take away our personal attachment to them. When you want to lose five pounds and you give up chocolate or fast food for Lent, you take yourself out of the equation. You have now given up Hershey Kisses for Jesus (and I know if you went all the way to church on a Wednesday morning you probably think Jesus is worth more than some lame chocolate) and not for yourself. And then what happens? Well, everything gets mixed up and fuzzy! Because when you are supposed to be focusing on religious devotion, you are now going crazy about not having chocolate. AND when Easter comes around you forget about why you gave it up in the first place and reward yourself with little chocolate bunnies for sticking to your promise not to eat them (forgetting that you were supposed to be giving them up for YOU) and TA-DA - no goal was accomplished at all! So, no mixing religion and secular goal making. It's troublesome.


Successful goal setting can motivate us to achieve greatness. When not set up correctly goals can seem overwhelming and scary. (Or worse yet, underwhelming and easily ignored!) The most important thing about goal making is to inject the I into it, and leave out everyone else. Though "I am going to lose ten pounds so I can rock this bikini I found in a box in the attic (marked 'summer of '94-best summer ever!') and blow my crazy neighbor  out of water at the community pool, making her regret not inviting me to Bridge night the last four months in a row, I'll show her, neon lime green zebra print is totally back..take that, Carol." may seem genius at the time, it really is not going to get you into that bikini (hopefully a new bikini- Carol will laugh at a neon green zebra print two piece circa 1994). Learning to set proper goals, however, will change the way you view health and wellness. As you start climbing the ladder steadily and with confidence you will begin to wonder what made success look so unattainable in the first place.

You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream.

-CS Lewis

Dance Runner!

Hello. My name is Loreli, and I'm a Dance Runner.

Oh for the joy of Dance Running. Have you, perchance, seen me at the gym? I mouth along to the lyrics filtering through my ear buds. I speed up, I slow down. I have even been known to sneak in a jazz hand or two. Dance runner. That's me.

I can't remember the exact moment in my life I officially became a dance runner. I am pretty sure it was between crawling and college, as I have always enjoyed a good beat. There is a fantastic home movie circa 1984 staring one Miss. Lori Vickers on a rocking horse, humming her own John Wayne anthem only to add appropriate crescendo to  such anthem by bopping one younger sister on noggin with a plastic baseball bat. You quickly hear my father from behind the mammoth video recording device give a  warning, "LAWrie..." but I know the secret message he was sending me  within that slightly faded North Dakota accent... ,  "You are rhythmically gifted, daughter, " I heard it echo from his frown, "Let the beat lead your sneakers in all your future endeavors. Go forth and get funky." And like the brave hero, I have.

I have let the rhythm move me. No matter how much it scares the retired gentleman on the treadmill next to me at the gym. "Yes, Sir!" I smile, "I AM running backwards on a treadmill! Yes, the incline is pretty high! No. I don't think my mother would approve!"

I don't limit my performances to indoor venues, thankfully, I am happy to bring the joys of dance running to the streets. Yes, that is me, coming up from behind and, yes, I may just be truffle shuffling as I pass you. And I will take that sideways glance as stoic amazement, thank you very much.

Is dance running for everyone? No. Is it distracting? Probably. Is it fun? Well, for me it is.  And that's why I do it. Exercise should release tension. And dance running makes the treadmill bearable. It makes me smile. Do I dance my way through every run? I am pretty sure I don't. But when it's cold outside, and the kids have been cranky and I miss my husband and the toilet needs a new pump and the dishes still aren't clean and the weeds in the front yard won't just die already... dance running.  There is a reason as ankle biters we want to run everywhere we go. It's fun. Raising your arms out to your sides and giving your backyard a good once around, humming like a jet plane is actually a pretty good remedy for a crappy day. We need to inject our lives with as many joyous moments as we possibly can. There is more to living a healthy life than just watching what you eat and making sure you sweat. It's about discovering true enjoyment  within the little things we do daily. The freshness of a salad. The sound of your child's laughter. The appreciation of a stranger's act of kindness. It's the hidden genius in a Justin Bieber song, if only for giving you a moment of pure silliness with your spouse. And so I choose to be a dance runner. Because to me, it's less about getting things done and more about living.

May your walls know joy; may every room hold laughter and every window open to great possibility.

Mary Anne Radmacher-Hershey

Let's Eat

I am going to be frank. If you have weight to lose, it can be hard. The sad thing is, it just gets harder and harder as we age. But, it's not rocket science, though granted, it seems scary and overwhelming.
I am a big fan of balance and I really like picturing one's fitness goals as a scale. One side of the scale is labeled intake and one side is labeled output. The intake side does not represent calorie intake. I don't really enjoy counting calories and I think it is silly overall. Who is going to want to count calories for the rest of time? I certainly don't. It is much better to get into the habit of eating whole, natural and nourishing items. The intake part of the scale represents those times when you take in NON nutrient rich whole foods, or maybe if you are taking in non fruit and veggie based carbs. The other side of the scale represents exercise. If you are trying to lose weight you want the output side of the scale to be heavier than the intake portion everyday. If you are trying to maintain your current weight you want the scale to be in balance (this does not however mean that you are able to eat a bunch of nasty food as long as the scale is in balance-- you still want to be making nutrient rich choices- but you probably don't have to freak out if you have a muffin on Friday morning with a cup of coffee!) The only way that the scale gets a little confusing is if you are trying to GAIN weight, as that goal is very personal and specific and it changes the scale. One side still represents intake and output respectively, but intake using becomes more protein based and you want that heavy, but you also want your output heavy too. This post is going to be dedicated to losing weight, so lets go from there:
There are five basic rules to eating well that go along with the scale. You can argue these, but they are a relatively universal blueprint for healthy eating.

1. Eat every 2-4 hours. It keeps your metabolism humming and keeps blood sugar balanced.
2. Women should eat 1 serving of protein and Men should eat 2 servings of protein with every meal.*
3. Eat veggies with every meal.*
4. If you are trying to lose weight only eat non fruit and veggie carbs after exercise
5. Eat healthy fats every day - about 30 % of the diet should come from healthy fats.

* I am very interested in hormones and diet, this being said I believe you should eat veggies before you eat anything else. Example if you are having a mid morning snack you would have a cup of veggies and then some almond butter. Also, if you are a woman with high testosterone levels, you may want to monitor how you feel on a diet high on animal proteins- talk to your doctor and nutritionist about this. And lastly, I believe, if you can, choosing organic dairy (milk, cheese and butter) is very important.

Like I said before I don't believe in calorie counting. I believe in being prepared. I believe in not having things like GMOs and sugary treats in your house if you can't resist eating them. (Even if you have kids, I know this seems impossible, but they will survive. And if they eat public school lunch, then you know they are having a least one brownie or cookie everyday... it will be ok!) I believe in limiting eating out of a box or a can whenever you can. Even if you are not looking to lose weight I want you to take the time to prepare your fruits and veggies after you come home from the store, just don't toss them into the crisper bins. Take ten minutes and wash the fruits and wash and chop the veggies.  And about those crisper bins, put all the stuff you don't want to be eating in them, and put all your whole, healthy things on the shelves. And really toss all the stuff that is not good for you. If you can't help yourself, then help yourself... by getting rid of it. Also make sure there is no food items out in the open. When we see food we want to eat it, even if we are not hungry.
We need to be prepared, we need to be organized, we need to be natural and whole and we need to be balanced. And we need to drink lots and lots of water. And we will be ok!

Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.

Bern Williams 

Happiness, Sleep and Belly Fat

Summer is coming. I know we still have a couple weeks of winter ahead of us and then we still have to muddle through Spring, but people, Summer is coming. And say what you will, I am willing to speculate that Summer is one of the most stressful seasons of all. You may be sitting there saying, "NO WAY, the Holiday season is the worst. Esp. Christmas, that slinky minx with her peppermint bark and hot toddies, with it's present purchasing anxiety, with the whiny children who smell of sugar and entitlement! Winter, winter is by far the worst season!" And to that claim I simply smile, you know the type of smile, the patronizing one. The one that says, Oh, silly you. Yes. Winter can be harsh. But Summer, Summer really throws us a curve ball. One you may not even see coming!
The first blow summer hits us with is the fact that for those of us with children, those children are suddenly without gainful employment. There is no "school house" to send them off to every day from 8 to 2. So either now you have them at home with you (which let's face it if you have any routine at all it goes out the window) or you have to find some where to put them (which leaves you feeling guilty). Either way, finding time for fitness can seem even more tedious.
On the other hand, with the great  roller coaster of mom guilt  you already have swimming in your gut,  you also are faced with not only tank tops, shorts and sundresses- BUT all those opportunities to rock a swim suit at the  neighborhood pool. AWESOME. Esp. because at every pool there is the one Uber mom who not only looks fantastic, but also has  children that, though they are running around shooting peanuts from their orifices, you can't seem to think poorly of them, because their mother is "just that stunning". (And to be totally honest, uber mom with the peanut children is in all actuality really dedicated to her fitness goals and eats really well..and her kids are probably creative geniuses- which might make you hate her more, but you know... I'm just saying....) So there we have it, children, tank tops, swim suits. Summer is a beast. AND it comes AFTER winter... you do the math.
Oh man, I feel the stress already!!!! So what can we do!? Good thing you are reading this blog before it is too late!! Because I am going to tell you exactly to do.  Here we go!!
First lets review some ways to get rid of belly fat:

1. SLEEP- a study in the journal Sleep found that those under forty who sleep five hours or less a night carried more weight in their middle overtime. 
2. GET HAPPY- Some smarties in Rush University Medical Center figured out that depression was relate to fat around the organs at the waist line. 
3. Go for 80- the journal Obesity published a finding that stated 80 minutes of cardio and strength training a week helped women keep off the icky waistline organ fat after losing weight. 

And here is the kicker. One of my favorite motivators towards happiness, Gretchen  Rubin (Author and blogger; The Happiness Project) just released an article titled "A Secret to More Happiness and Energy? Give Yourself a Bedtime" through Huffingtonpost.com (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gretchen-rubin/adult-bedtime_b_1253105.html?ref=healthy-living)  in which she states:
As a result of my happiness project, I've become a sleep zealot. It's just so obvious to me -- from reading the research and from personal experience -- that getting enough sleep is a key to a happier life.
So how do you start getting to bed earlier. Well, Gretchen says to give yourself a bed time, just like you would your kids. Just figure out what time you have to get up and go from there factoring in 7-8 hours of sleep. If you have trouble sleeping it is most likely do to stress, caffeine, lack of exercise or a combo of all three. Tackling things in our life that inhibit a natural sleep cycle will only help you in the long run.
So basically, sleep and exercise help make us feel HAPPIER. Which in turn makes everything else better. Things that make us nervous become unclouded, we have more confidence, we just work better. So though things are about to get a little nutty in the next couple months, it does not mean you have to. Make a plan and take it day by day. And if you some how can only do ONE healthy thing today, try getting a good night's rest. And sing in the morning... Gretchen swears by it.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.

The Dalai Lama